( he sucks in a breath damn near hard enough he chokes on it. of all the things he might'a been some manner of anticipatin' it sure weren't one that cleaves so close to home.
it hits him so hard that he can't actually. reply right away. instead, he has to take a step back an' lets it lie some. at length, )
Well, a lot of that depends on the individual in question, too. Some folks cope better than others just by dint of their inherent nature.
What I do know is also a bit antiquated in the grand scheme of things and I'll be the first to admit the way things were done in my day isn't exactly always worth emulating. My brother lost an arm in the Pacific and there were hardly any accommodations in place for him.
I can look into some resources here if you'd like and get back to you?
The doctor talked us through his options. They're setting him up with a cybernetic replacement. Apparently that's standard here. It's mostly the rest of it. He's not good at opening up, and he has a temper.
Well, having a replacement is good. Means he might forego some of the phantom limb issues that otherwise might plague him.
But there's still a grieving process he'll have to get through. Especially if he's someone used to having a certain level of physicality, or if it was his dominant hand. Having a temper will make that more volatile on the whole. How he does his grieving is his own business, I can't rightly say I know how it'd shake out.
( al's hit him a fair few times in his rages, but he ain't never touched tabby. small favors. gene can forgive it — they roughhoused plenty as boys an' he sees it mostly as an extension of that, albeit one that's come about from somethin' darker — but if al ever raised a hand to tabetha gene thinks he might just kill the man. )
I'd be willing to talk to him some too if you think it'd help.
Edited (too tired to make sense send help) Date: 2020-02-13 07:08 am (UTC)
Now, I ain't saying this to be cruel, but please understand me when I say, the manner of man that'd get angry with you for trying in your own way to look out for them ain't exactly the healthiest sort to be around. And all feelings beside, no one ought to be putting you in a position of feeling guilty for caring.
( whether that's the case here or not, he's sayin' it anyhow. he only has the women of his era to go on, an' he knows a fair few women who would be. )
I don't think he's had any healthy relationships. I don't think he knows what they're really like. He was doing a lot better, and now it's like this threw him backward.
I hate to say it, Kate, because Lord knows I understand what it's like, but... you can't take on the responsibility of being a man's keeper. It'll break your heart.
I can't rightly say. But you're a sweet gal with a compassionate heart, and it is a concern I harbor for you.
( lord knows he's aware how easy it is to lose yourself in tendin' to others. break your heart on the rocks of their hurt an' upset. he's done it more than once himself, an' picked up the pieces after the fact. )
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no subject
Date: 2020-02-03 07:38 pm (UTC)Pleasant thing to ask.
[Usually Kate's more put together than this, but she's exhausted and stalling a bit. The next message takes a second.]
I had a friend lose an arm, and I don't know the best way to help him. Adjust, I mean.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 01:48 am (UTC)it hits him so hard that he can't actually. reply right away. instead, he has to take a step back an' lets it lie some. at length, )
Well, a lot of that depends on the individual in question, too. Some folks cope better than others just by dint of their inherent nature.
What I do know is also a bit antiquated in the grand scheme of things and I'll be the first to admit the way things were done in my day isn't exactly always worth emulating. My brother lost an arm in the Pacific and there were hardly any accommodations in place for him.
I can look into some resources here if you'd like and get back to you?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 01:53 am (UTC)It's mostly the rest of it.
He's not good at opening up, and he has a temper.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 06:47 am (UTC)But there's still a grieving process he'll have to get through. Especially if he's someone used to having a certain level of physicality, or if it was his dominant hand. Having a temper will make that more volatile on the whole. How he does his grieving is his own business, I can't rightly say I know how it'd shake out.
( al's hit him a fair few times in his rages, but he ain't never touched tabby. small favors. gene can forgive it — they roughhoused plenty as boys an' he sees it mostly as an extension of that, albeit one that's come about from somethin' darker — but if al ever raised a hand to tabetha gene thinks he might just kill the man. )
I'd be willing to talk to him some too if you think it'd help.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 03:46 pm (UTC)[Which is one thing that drives Kate nuts about the whole family, really. Secrets for the sake of secrets, and an obsession with never looking weak.]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 07:02 pm (UTC)Now, I ain't saying this to be cruel, but please understand me when I say, the manner of man that'd get angry with you for trying in your own way to look out for them ain't exactly the healthiest sort to be around. And all feelings beside, no one ought to be putting you in a position of feeling guilty for caring.
( whether that's the case here or not, he's sayin' it anyhow. he only has the women of his era to go on, an' he knows a fair few women who would be. )
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 07:07 pm (UTC)You have no idea. The entire family screams emotional disfunction.
Don't worry. It's not cruel of you to say.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-15 08:54 pm (UTC)Do you think this fella is a danger to you if his anger's unchecked?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-15 11:30 pm (UTC)I just never know how to get through to him, and I'm starting to think I never will
no subject
Date: 2020-02-21 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-21 04:06 am (UTC)He was doing a lot better, and now it's like this threw him backward.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-22 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-22 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-02-23 12:16 am (UTC)( lord knows he's aware how easy it is to lose yourself in tendin' to others. break your heart on the rocks of their hurt an' upset. he's done it more than once himself, an' picked up the pieces after the fact. )
no subject
Date: 2020-02-23 04:23 am (UTC)So what do you think the line is?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-24 02:54 am (UTC)