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[preseance]

@eugene.hicks | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[reneger]

( what. no. hold on-- )

What?

[preseance]

You're in it, Jason. I know better than to walk direct into danger — I ain't a fool in that way, but there's bound to be somethin' I can do to help you out.

( he wants to have jason's back, frankly. )

[reneger]

I-- ( see you'd think after spending a year here, he'd be used to getting something that wasn't disappointment out of others. he's got roy for support, loki. occasionally damian. had a few others before they dissipated into the ether. )

Honestly, I'd prefer if you'd stay out of it. Less for me to worry about.

[preseance]

Then you ain't thinkin' smart.

( that's his pay attention voice. he shakes his head. )

Folks turn to drugs an' violence when the community ain't doin' enough for 'em as a whole. Now, I ain't gonna win in a pit fight any time soon, but I could run a detox group. Fewer folks buyin' drugs, cuts down on the risks over time.

[reneger]

You can't run a detox group from inside the system. ( bit of a softer tone, because he gets it. he really does. but. ) The folks who're in it don't want to get out of it. And have you seen the city? You know how crap it's doing by it's people.

( he doesn't really know how to explain it more clearly. )

I don't want you showing your face 'round those parts, Gene. They're dangerous. I don't even show my face.

[preseance]

Yeah, but they're sellin' drugs to folks who ain't necessarily all the way in the system. That's who I mean. I'm not sayin' force folks to go, but there'll always be someone on the line you can pull back some. We help that person, an' the next one after, an' the next one after that, an' that consumer base erodes over time. I know how rackets work.

( to the rest, he just. raises an eyebrow some. gently, )

I know how to be careful, Jason. But I ain't built to stand by an' let folks risk themselves without doin' somethin' myself.

[reneger]

Roy's plan was to dump the whole supply.

( valid. but then people will get desperate and needy, turn to something even more shady. he understands roy's viewpoint, he does, but.

jason lets out a breath through his teeth. slouches forward to press his forehead against the keyboard itself. )

A'right, fine. But if I hand over my resources, you've gotta swear to give me a ring the moment you even feel something off. If the hair on the back of your neck gets uncomfortable, call me. If you think someone's following you, call me. Immediately.

[preseance]

Only two medics in my Company survived the war all the way through, Jay. I'm good at trustin' my gut.

( he's intuitive. always has been. an' he has a good head for managin' folks just the same. could be that's on account'a long, long years talkin' to the dead.

he puts a hand against jason's back, mindful not to touch bare skin. )

If'n I think somethin's about to go sideways, I will call you. My hand to God.

[reneger]

( this wasn't his intention when he spilled to gene. hell, usually when people hear i took over numerous gangs they fuck off. he wasn't expecting that with gene; he's stubborn, too kind. but. nor was he anticipating this. he presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek. pauses for a moment. )

Fine. But if anything goes wrong, you're done.

[preseance]

Jason.

( he says it quiet. a little tired. )

I will take every precaution an' then some, I will do the utmost to keep myself outta trouble. But if it comes to my door, I ain't gonna flinch from it, an' I ain't gonna stop. An' as much as you may hate me sayin' that, I reckon we wouldn't be friends otherwise.

[reneger]

Then I can't let you in.

( he can't risk gene. he can't risk him like he had put others at risk. not when gene has supported him like this. not when he's--too kind. he'd get himself hurt, and jason couldn't forgive himself. )

[preseance]

( he lifts one shoulder up in a shrug. )

All right.

( all that means to him is that he'll find his own way. because now that he's got the idea in his mind, he ain't lettin' it go. but he won't argue that with jason. )

[reneger]

Don't take that as a challenge, asshole.

( there's no bite to it. but he is moving to stand himself up. )

Seriously. I don't wanna have to get rough with you.

[preseance]

( he doesn't look at him, just lets him stand up. he plays a few bars of an ol' song he knew from his pa, an' then lets his hands still over the keys. )

When I stand before God on Judgement Day, He's gonna tell me the worst'a my flaws is stubbornness an' pride.

( he scrubs a hand through his hair, an' then follows suit an' stands up, takin' the empty beer bottle into the kitchen. )

I can't do nothin', fella. I can't. Bein' helpless is the only thing that's ever brought me to my knees, an' if in the pursuit of doin' good I get hurt or worse, well. You can do everythin' right, an' still fail. I'd walk into Hell for you, Jason, but I won't sit by.

[reneger]

Oh, come on. There's so much other shit you can stick your nose into. ( hand in his hair, pulling what strands are long enough. he'll need to cut it again soon. )

There're kids. There's the crap the mobs pull! There's-- hell, there's a crapton of folks who're struggling to find decent housing after shit got destroyed. An' you insist on going after the one goddamn thing--

[preseance]

You wanna know how they kept us paratroopers goin' on our marches, Jason?

( he didn't know it at the time. but comin' here an' learnin' more about drug culture, he's got a better name for what was in those bennies, an' he shakes his head some. )

We used to lift somethin' called Pervitin off the Germans. Some time in '43 we started gettin' Benzedrine in our ration kits. Just a fancy way of sayin' amphetamines. We needed to stay awake, you know? Go days without sleep an' still have what it took to win a skirmish. I used to see boys shake when they'd go through withdrawals an' it'd often get 'em killed, if we hadn't gotten a chance to resupply. So yeah, maybe this one thing matters more to me than the rest.

( he ain't against drugs. hell, he's taken a couple here — he remembers dancin' with clarke while the relaxation an' ease of it coursed through his veins. but he'd been lucky. an' there were hundreds of his brothers that weren't so much. )

[reneger]

( thank you, for making jason regret opening his mouth and letting gene in on what he's up to. because he does get it, see. it's the same reason why jason's always been a bit more sensitive when it comes to women and children. he's been part of their pain, knows how shit it is to grow up like that. remembers watching his mom slowly get worse and worse. remembers snagging shit out of trashcans to eat so they wouldn't keel over and die of starvation.

so he can't argue against gene, because he does understand. instead he makes a pained, half-noise in the back of his throat. )

I'm gonna make it harder on you, every step of the way.

[preseance]

( he looks at jay, tiredly, head canted to one side. )

Jason. I'm not gonna be stupid, an' I ain't gonna take unnecessary risks, an' I'll listen to you about what you think might be a danger. All I'm sayin' is, you don't call the shots for when I'm done. Just... trust me, huh fella? No medic worth his salt runs into fire trustin' he won't be shot.

( there were times he had to let people die. he owns that. you can't save 'em all if there's any hope of you bein' able to help the next fella, an' the next. )

[reneger]

( gene looks tired, jason looks fucking exhausted. this isn't the first time he's gone through this. everyone he went into the underground with is--gone. disappeared months previous. he still misses kovacs and his wide shoulders the most, even though laura and caroline were both badasses after his heart, too. but they're all still fucking gone.

so he takes in a breath. counts backwards from ten. remembers he can't get roy involved with gene either, so he can't even use that as a backup to try and keep gene out of a mess. he's got a few trustworthy others he can rely on though, so-- )

Fine, a'right. But you're not doing it alone.

[preseance]

Fine. I'll ask Steve Rogers.

( he can compromise just fine. )

[reneger]

( familiar enough with the name even if he hasn't had any personal experience with rogers. he'll add that onto his list of people to bother later. )

Fine.

[preseance]

( wryly, )

Rethinkin' that whole favorite thing?

[reneger]

No.

( but he says it much in the same manner as a petulant child would. all attitude. )

Let me meet up with Rogers ( so he can fight him. ) then I'll hand over a list of names.

[preseance]

He's a good man. Though he don't try to hide it half so much as you do.

( just casually calling you out again jay, nbd. )

He fought in my war, too. It gets complicated after that.

[reneger]

I know Bucky. Both of them.

( so he doesn't need the story, he already gets enough sass. but he is going to casually ignore gene trying to ruin him again. )