( so he's outside, sure enough. dressed in a tanktop an' his jump pants in this heat an' seemin' altogether okay with it besides. he's from alabama, if you don't think this weather's a walk in the actual park for him then you ain't never been there.
he's got his bag slung over his shoulder, though, just in case. if alexios is headin' here then it's doubtful he's hurt too bad, but he can't help but be careful just on the off-chance it's somethin' more than what he's expectin'. when he sees the other man he lifts a hand in greetin' an' watches his approach — don't seem to be any limpin' or anythin' out of the ordinary. colour's good, so he doubts he's lookin' at hypovolemia. breathin' an' all the right stuff. some of the tension in his shoulders eases down a touch. )
[ Ah, his doctor. Eugene looks well but Alexios saves the appreciative glance that he'd normally grace the soldier with for later. Instead, he nods in greeting without actually stopping. ]
Difficulty? I couldn't find you.
[ That was the problem. Though it was an Alexios problem and not a Eugene problem.
He exhales on a long stride and stops when his entire body meets with Eugene's. He crowds his space. Arms limp at his sides as he presses his face into Eugene's throat. To anyone else, to everyone else that might walk by, it'd probably appear that Alexios is kissing him or attempting to start something right there in the open; which is what he wants everyone to think. But he's not. Alexios can't and won't ask for comfort. He doesn't know how.
So he tries to take it. To get it without actually saying that he needs it. His shoulders are tense and his body rigid. ]
( he knows enough of alexios by now that the approach don't bother none. the man comes right up to him as if he's tryin' to crawl beneath his skin an' leans in close, exhalation a shivered whisper against his neck. his body heat soaks in through the fabric, the nearness makes gene's breath catch.
alex never was this forward. but then, ain't a soul here that cares or can carry it on back to 1945. you can't dishonorably discharge a corpse. it's just a matter of old instincts not bein' so easily assuaged. still, he don't make no move to shove alexios back an' away, just lets him exist in his space, the two of them sharin' the same air. gene is nothing else if not an immovable man.
after a spell, gene lifts his arms up and wraps them around his shoulders, one hand slipping up to cradle the nape of his neck. other folks needin' comfort is due cause to push aside his own discomfort in givin' it. he ain't a man what reaches for physical contact as a first form of affirmation, but you spend three years in foxholes with folk who ain't aught but scared boys an' you learn. by christ, do you learn. alexios pretends otherwise, but he ain't so different from them. soldierin' looks the same in any age, an' whether you call it battle fatigue or shell shock or trauma or stress, the symptoms of sufferin' don't differ.
when babies crave comfort, they cry. men, by the time they're of adjacent age, ain't got no such recourse. they drink, they gamble, they isolate, they pray. they do what alexios is doin' right now, taking without regard for consequence or care.
alexios is a storm. wound up, played out, the sort that leaves ruin in its wake. he knew that from the first moment they met. he's a storm, but he's one gene can weather. )
[ He's not pushed away. There aren't any verbal or physical signs to show that Eugene is not willing. Alexios doesn't know that he wouldn't have continued to try to take comfort if he hadn't been given it freely. Fortunately, it's not a question he ever has to answer. They exist together. Two entirely different people breathing the same air as one holds the other above water.
Eugene wraps his arms around him and if Alexios wasn't conscious of how heavy he is, sans armor or not, he'd have gone lax in the other man's arms.
Rather, he presses in. Mouth slightly open and lips warm against Eugene's throat. He almost can't catch his breath. It's too far out, weighed down by something so inexplicably dark that Alexios couldn't push it off if he tried. But the person pressed close could, does. Little by little. All by allowing him to do this without judgement or disgust. His hands fist at his sides, his fingers flex and splay. The muscles in his arms and stomach bunch and jump as he forces his arms to slip around Eugene's waist.
He's pretending this is about lust and flirtation but he's aware that it's not and that Eugene knows it. That's what makes it so fucking difficult. ]
It is always dark here.
[ The only light is what comes from their lanterns, the fire. ] I was free for so short a time. No longer a puppet. I felt love for the first time from a mater and pater who wanted me. A sister and brother, a family. I wasn't given the chance to accept and return their affection.
[ He breathes out, doesn't draw the breath back in. ]
I miss that light but it's always so dark here and it's everything that I fucking deserve.
( he's pieced things together some. little filaments of a life unlived. fragments that when scraped together into a meager pile somehow make up some small sum of him. ain't nobody out there who winds up like alexios does without it bein' some measure of pain in the shapin', an' him saying free for so short a time really drives that point home. )
S'only if you're lookin' at bein' here like a punishment, Alexios.
( he doesn't think he can change alexios' mind. but he can try to re-calibrate it some. )
Don't think there's many folk here who had a say in their own dyin'. But we're here, ain't we? An' we've got some semblance of togetherness, an' folks learnin' to help an' care for each other. That ain't nothin'. You can still do your family proud just the same by trustin' in what they gave you an' passin' that on to other folk. An' that's what you do deserve. That chance. Light's what we make it, huh? Why the Hell else would they give us lanterns to find our way?
[ If it wasn't a punishment then what could this place be? It wasn't where warriors go as reward for their strength and valor on the battlefield. There was no light or warmth. Soft pleasures, those he'd found for himself, were all compiled inside the person pressed against him. And even those, as sweet as they may be, were something that he was taking. ]
It can't be that simple. [ With his lantern at their feet and darkness all around them, Alexios decides the public privacy is beneficial to the conversation they're having. ] There is no one here who would accept me as I am. I am the bringer of death, Eugene. The blood on my hands has no end. My family chose to love me regardless of all of that and how could I long for more?
( he huffs a breath, soft against alexios' shoulder, an' at length he pulls away so's he can look at him straight on. it's somethin' of a challenge, given how much taller he is, but gene's got a knack for makin' that seem like less than it is. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-07-23 01:53 am (UTC)I am coming to the church.
Be waiting for me.
[ He'll be there in.. three minutes. ]
no subject
Date: 2019-07-23 02:19 am (UTC)he's got his bag slung over his shoulder, though, just in case. if alexios is headin' here then it's doubtful he's hurt too bad, but he can't help but be careful just on the off-chance it's somethin' more than what he's expectin'. when he sees the other man he lifts a hand in greetin' an' watches his approach — don't seem to be any limpin' or anythin' out of the ordinary. colour's good, so he doubts he's lookin' at hypovolemia. breathin' an' all the right stuff. some of the tension in his shoulders eases down a touch. )
What's your difficulty, fella?
no subject
Date: 2019-07-25 09:52 pm (UTC)Difficulty? I couldn't find you.
[ That was the problem. Though it was an Alexios problem and not a Eugene problem.
He exhales on a long stride and stops when his entire body meets with Eugene's. He crowds his space. Arms limp at his sides as he presses his face into Eugene's throat. To anyone else, to everyone else that might walk by, it'd probably appear that Alexios is kissing him or attempting to start something right there in the open; which is what he wants everyone to think. But he's not. Alexios can't and won't ask for comfort. He doesn't know how.
So he tries to take it. To get it without actually saying that he needs it. His shoulders are tense and his body rigid. ]
I couldn't find you.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-26 02:07 pm (UTC)alex never was this forward. but then, ain't a soul here that cares or can carry it on back to 1945. you can't dishonorably discharge a corpse. it's just a matter of old instincts not bein' so easily assuaged. still, he don't make no move to shove alexios back an' away, just lets him exist in his space, the two of them sharin' the same air. gene is nothing else if not an immovable man.
after a spell, gene lifts his arms up and wraps them around his shoulders, one hand slipping up to cradle the nape of his neck. other folks needin' comfort is due cause to push aside his own discomfort in givin' it. he ain't a man what reaches for physical contact as a first form of affirmation, but you spend three years in foxholes with folk who ain't aught but scared boys an' you learn. by christ, do you learn. alexios pretends otherwise, but he ain't so different from them. soldierin' looks the same in any age, an' whether you call it battle fatigue or shell shock or trauma or stress, the symptoms of sufferin' don't differ.
when babies crave comfort, they cry. men, by the time they're of adjacent age, ain't got no such recourse. they drink, they gamble, they isolate, they pray. they do what alexios is doin' right now, taking without regard for consequence or care.
alexios is a storm. wound up, played out, the sort that leaves ruin in its wake. he knew that from the first moment they met. he's a storm, but he's one gene can weather. )
Easy. I ain't goin' nowhere.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-26 04:07 pm (UTC)Eugene wraps his arms around him and if Alexios wasn't conscious of how heavy he is, sans armor or not, he'd have gone lax in the other man's arms.
Rather, he presses in. Mouth slightly open and lips warm against Eugene's throat. He almost can't catch his breath. It's too far out, weighed down by something so inexplicably dark that Alexios couldn't push it off if he tried. But the person pressed close could, does. Little by little. All by allowing him to do this without judgement or disgust. His hands fist at his sides, his fingers flex and splay. The muscles in his arms and stomach bunch and jump as he forces his arms to slip around Eugene's waist.
He's pretending this is about lust and flirtation but he's aware that it's not and that Eugene knows it. That's what makes it so fucking difficult. ]
It is always dark here.
[ The only light is what comes from their lanterns, the fire. ] I was free for so short a time. No longer a puppet. I felt love for the first time from a mater and pater who wanted me. A sister and brother, a family. I wasn't given the chance to accept and return their affection.
[ He breathes out, doesn't draw the breath back in. ]
I miss that light but it's always so dark here and it's everything that I fucking deserve.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-29 04:53 pm (UTC)S'only if you're lookin' at bein' here like a punishment, Alexios.
( he doesn't think he can change alexios' mind. but he can try to re-calibrate it some. )
Don't think there's many folk here who had a say in their own dyin'. But we're here, ain't we? An' we've got some semblance of togetherness, an' folks learnin' to help an' care for each other. That ain't nothin'. You can still do your family proud just the same by trustin' in what they gave you an' passin' that on to other folk. An' that's what you do deserve. That chance. Light's what we make it, huh? Why the Hell else would they give us lanterns to find our way?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-01 07:34 pm (UTC)[ If it wasn't a punishment then what could this place be? It wasn't where warriors go as reward for their strength and valor on the battlefield. There was no light or warmth. Soft pleasures, those he'd found for himself, were all compiled inside the person pressed against him. And even those, as sweet as they may be, were something that he was taking. ]
It can't be that simple. [ With his lantern at their feet and darkness all around them, Alexios decides the public privacy is beneficial to the conversation they're having. ] There is no one here who would accept me as I am. I am the bringer of death, Eugene. The blood on my hands has no end. My family chose to love me regardless of all of that and how could I long for more?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-04 08:44 pm (UTC)Why can't it be that simple?
( go on, give him a reason. )