（ he just sounds exhausted. and ragged. and a million other things at once, raw and angry in a manner that ain't natural to him or normal. in a way he ain't been since reggie died twice over. except once was for freedom and once was for fucking entertainment an' he's so torn up about it anew that he can hardly breathe through the rage.
and he hates that he knows she'll no doubt have a better bead on his vulnerabilities now than near anyone else alive, because even though he ain't — even though he ain't that person who's life he lived in the aerie, they still had something there. ）
So being told 'I'm not interested in your opinion' is the same as twisting the knife about a loved one, now? You and I have different definitions of the word horrible, sounds like.
He was being a jackass. The adult thing to do is to damn well walk away from that, not double down. If you already know he ain't gonna be able to muster up the resources or parse the logistics, then he ain't even doin' no harm. You're better than that, and if you ain't you oughta be.
Maybe it wasn't called for—[Maybe. That's as much as she'll relent.]
But he's treating everyone's concerns as if they were unreasonable or something to disregard. We had already run up against problems, and it was promptly made clear that he did not care about any of us. Even if these aren't my people, I'm in a position where I have to advocate for as many voices as possible. Including my own. You can't say that we're a group, that everyone's worries matter, and then condone how he was behaving not only toward me, but toward others who had been helping and were even instrumental to his plan.
Shutting him down and maybe even knocking him off course was necessary. Because even if he turned reasonable, he didn't start that way and you can see that as well as I do.
There ain't no 'maybe' about it. It wasn't called for, period.
Not once, anywhere, in the whole of that mess did I say his behaviour was acceptable. I told you more than once it wasn't. How I feel about the rest is somethin' I'll discuss with him an' beyond that it ain't nobody else's business.
Am I hearin' correctly in that you think that somehow 'knockin' him off course' is the thing that made him 'turn reasonable'?
No. [Though running back over her words in her head, that's how it came across.]
Gene, I need Dean to understand that it's not acceptable to speak to me, or anyone else, that way. Just because he had provocation this time doesn't mean it's fine for him all the time. And if that's the only way to get through to him? I don't regret it.
（ there's obvious frustration to the way he stops. takes a breath. pinches the bridge of his nose an' then continues on more evenly, ）
You didn't 'get through to him'. I ain't even sure why you think that. Dean ain't a man that's gonna go 'wow, that dame sure did show me' no matter what you throw at him. He's as stubborn as you are. He told you he didn't want your opinion — rudely, I will grant — and you came at him with a knife. I ain't sure why you can't see the different magnitudes of reaction there.
Gene, I get that you love this guy, but he didn't say that he didn't want my opinion. He said that carrying forward the concerns that were still being addressed were "spam." I'm not sure if you don't know what that means, but he quite literally called what I had to offer less than trash. Concerns that were necessary to go over before we proceeded, not because they were stopping anything, but because they needed to be factored in.
For no reason. After an experience that he and I both shared. After he previously went after me because I was trying to make sure we handled things in the right order, prioritizing things in the right way.
[She breathes out. Clarke will advocate for others as strongly as she'll advocate for herself.]
This isn't a one-off thing. I hurt him. I know. [Her voice is somber here.] But I frankly don't understand why everyone is rushing to protect this guy.
（ there ain't no way clarke could know that. lord, he ain't spoken to dean but a few times out in the open, an' even then it's mostly the sort of bantering jest that happens sometimes between folk without a lick of depth to it. even in the aerie they dated a few weeks at most, well after his relationship with clarke. they never moved in the same spheres to speak of. which means she's assumin' it on account of gene bein' irate about her attitude towards him — and that she's damn-well usin' that assumption to try an' manipulate him while she's at it, as if his opinion ain't worth dirt because there's some suggestion of emotion involved, cloudin' the matter.
his ire had, to this point, been mostly about the fact that clarke is lowerin' herself to petty barbs in an outsized way. he'd be havin' this same conversation with her now if she'd pulled that shit on anyone, whether he knew them or not, because it's about how she's draggin' herself down. but now he's damn well choked on his own behalf, too, because now she's tryin' to twist a knife in him. ）
I ain't going to argue in circles with you about it. I've said my piece.
（ if they keep on like this they'll still be squabblin' about this a decade hence, an' gene is far more judicious about the applications of his energy these days. clarke's stubborn the way a wrecking ball is stubborn, his takes a different form. ）
If you're tellin' me you ain't got the faintest idea why folk might step in to intervene when someone's bein' cruel, I don't know you half as well as I thought I did.
You're not listening to me. How Dean treated me isn't something that exists in a vacuum. That's why I lashed out, Gene. Because even trying to speak to him during a time when we're not under duress turns into him shutting people down like that.
I went for the sore spot I knew. [That had been hammered home thanks to the Quarry.] But that's because it seems like people have to play to him. I already have to deal with that with a few other Displaced. I'm not going to do it with him.
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no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 07:49 am (UTC)and he hates that he knows she'll no doubt have a better bead on his vulnerabilities now than near anyone else alive, because even though he ain't — even though he ain't that person who's life he lived in the aerie, they still had something there. ）
So being told 'I'm not interested in your opinion' is the same as twisting the knife about a loved one, now? You and I have different definitions of the word horrible, sounds like.
He was being a jackass. The adult thing to do is to damn well walk away from that, not double down. If you already know he ain't gonna be able to muster up the resources or parse the logistics, then he ain't even doin' no harm. You're better than that, and if you ain't you oughta be.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 07:57 am (UTC)But he's treating everyone's concerns as if they were unreasonable or something to disregard. We had already run up against problems, and it was promptly made clear that he did not care about any of us. Even if these aren't my people, I'm in a position where I have to advocate for as many voices as possible. Including my own. You can't say that we're a group, that everyone's worries matter, and then condone how he was behaving not only toward me, but toward others who had been helping and were even instrumental to his plan.
Shutting him down and maybe even knocking him off course was necessary. Because even if he turned reasonable, he didn't start that way and you can see that as well as I do.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-18 08:49 am (UTC)There ain't no 'maybe' about it. It wasn't called for, period.
Not once, anywhere, in the whole of that mess did I say his behaviour was acceptable. I told you more than once it wasn't. How I feel about the rest is somethin' I'll discuss with him an' beyond that it ain't nobody else's business.
Am I hearin' correctly in that you think that somehow 'knockin' him off course' is the thing that made him 'turn reasonable'?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 01:34 am (UTC)Gene, I need Dean to understand that it's not acceptable to speak to me, or anyone else, that way. Just because he had provocation this time doesn't mean it's fine for him all the time. And if that's the only way to get through to him? I don't regret it.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 03:29 am (UTC)（ there's obvious frustration to the way he stops. takes a breath. pinches the bridge of his nose an' then continues on more evenly, ）
You didn't 'get through to him'. I ain't even sure why you think that. Dean ain't a man that's gonna go 'wow, that dame sure did show me' no matter what you throw at him. He's as stubborn as you are. He told you he didn't want your opinion — rudely, I will grant — and you came at him with a knife. I ain't sure why you can't see the different magnitudes of reaction there.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 05:10 am (UTC)For no reason. After an experience that he and I both shared. After he previously went after me because I was trying to make sure we handled things in the right order, prioritizing things in the right way.
[She breathes out. Clarke will advocate for others as strongly as she'll advocate for herself.]
This isn't a one-off thing. I hurt him. I know. [Her voice is somber here.] But I frankly don't understand why everyone is rushing to protect this guy.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-19 06:50 pm (UTC)his ire had, to this point, been mostly about the fact that clarke is lowerin' herself to petty barbs in an outsized way. he'd be havin' this same conversation with her now if she'd pulled that shit on anyone, whether he knew them or not, because it's about how she's draggin' herself down. but now he's damn well choked on his own behalf, too, because now she's tryin' to twist a knife in him. ）
I ain't going to argue in circles with you about it. I've said my piece.
（ if they keep on like this they'll still be squabblin' about this a decade hence, an' gene is far more judicious about the applications of his energy these days. clarke's stubborn the way a wrecking ball is stubborn, his takes a different form. ）
If you're tellin' me you ain't got the faintest idea why folk might step in to intervene when someone's bein' cruel, I don't know you half as well as I thought I did.
I'll see you when I'm back from New Tokyo.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-20 08:31 am (UTC)You're not listening to me. How Dean treated me isn't something that exists in a vacuum. That's why I lashed out, Gene. Because even trying to speak to him during a time when we're not under duress turns into him shutting people down like that.
I went for the sore spot I knew. [That had been hammered home thanks to the Quarry.] But that's because it seems like people have to play to him. I already have to deal with that with a few other Displaced. I'm not going to do it with him.