( ain't nothin' hit him quite so bad as jason leavin' in all the time he's been here. steve hurt, because they'd had shared experience that meant they had the measure of each other without tryin', but they'd only spoken a handful of times just the same.
jason, on the other hand, took a goddamn bullet for him.
in a way, gettin' to go home a spell, puttin' distance between it had been a good thing. grief is a weight you get a little better at carryin' every day. but seein' not only the name but the fact he remembers— christ.
the aerie was somethin' that'll stay with him. friends, enemies, lives an' deaths an' all the rest and the anger that simmered just beneath the surface of every little thing he did that he ain't never had to live with quite so much before. but jason bein' here, at least, sets it aside a time. )
Don't you go writing cheques you ain't about to cash, fella.
Nice to hear from you too. You up on the moon with all the rest?
( gene is the first one he hears back one. the first one to fucking answer him and jesus. the relief he feels is instantaneous. a weight off of his shoulders. there have been a few--others, on the network, elsewhere. but none of them meant quite as much to him as the ones jason was actually waiting for. )
i could kiss you right now no joke
( he just might, too. god. the shuttle better fucking come quick because jason's going to lose his goddamn mind sitting up here much longer. )
( christ, it's really him. gene lets out a breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding, and then: )
I don't rightly know. It's a lot to explain. I'm still working through it myself. Some kind of... alternate world? Universe? Christ, Jay, it's above my paygrade by a mile and then some. I figure anything out, you'll be the first to know.
I'm all right, though. Not hurt.
( as all right as anyone can be trying to parse two sets of memories in his head. two lives. two selves. there are so many areas where nothing matches up. to say he's having a crisis of self is putting it damn near mildly. )
( yeah, sounds fake. he's not an expert of deciphering text but something about gene feels off. he puts that thought away for later, focuses on what he does have now instead. )
( his answer doesn't come right away, not the way it usually does when he's talkin' to jason in this manner. then: )
I'll rephrase.
I'm right as I can be given the circumstances, and to the rest — well, it ain't nothing I can afford the time to examine right now.
We can talk it out over a beer later, if you'd like.
( he ain't resistant to tellin' jason. they've been honest with each other. but of all the things gene wants to discuss on the network in any detail, that's not so much one of them. )
( they really only spoke once before jay died an' gene had to drag him back anyhow, but — lord knows they were close. gene starts to reply with just no, but then again. he didn't catch wind of damian in the aerie, an' a quick check of the network shows the i.d as being inactive.
which
jason might be able to tell himself, but it's also possible he doesn't want to look because he doesn't want to know.
ain't the first time he's told someone else somethin' hard. )
I think he might be gone, Jay. Haven't heard hide nor hair of him in a couple months, and his ID's been deactivated. I'm sorry.
( he doesn't even expect that jason will reply to him sayin' that, but it's fine — they'll catch up later. )
( it's an answer more because he just wants--gene to give him something back. something to take his mind off the fact he lost the one goddamn person he swore he'd never leave. damian needed something sturdy to hold onto, and jason tried to be his rock.
and look where it left him. look what he did. he fucked off, he disappeared, and damian's gone. )
( he hears it. much as anyone can. takes a deep breath. he doesn't know if he has it in him right now, frankly. there's too much goin' on in his head that he can only just parse. he feels a little like he did when he got reggie's memories of those awful weeks in france — trying to find himself beneath the goddamn rubble of it all.
but he cares about jason enough to try. he pinches the bridge of his nose, an' takes another long draught of the beer he's been nursin' since he woke up. )
I'm lookin' after a boy now back home. His name's Jack. I told you about Alex, yeah? His kid. He's an artist. Rolled up into some trouble with a greaser gang up north, Alex dropped him on my doorstep almost a year back.
like a day later
Date: 2020-12-15 07:29 pm (UTC)a couple days after that
Date: 2020-12-15 09:08 pm (UTC)jason, on the other hand, took a goddamn bullet for him.
in a way, gettin' to go home a spell, puttin' distance between it had been a good thing. grief is a weight you get a little better at carryin' every day. but seein' not only the name but the fact he remembers— christ.
the aerie was somethin' that'll stay with him. friends, enemies, lives an' deaths an' all the rest and the anger that simmered just beneath the surface of every little thing he did that he ain't never had to live with quite so much before. but jason bein' here, at least, sets it aside a time. )
Don't you go writing cheques you ain't about to cash, fella.
Nice to hear from you too. You up on the moon with all the rest?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-15 11:43 pm (UTC)i could kiss you right now
no joke
( he just might, too. god. the shuttle better fucking come quick because jason's going to lose his goddamn mind sitting up here much longer. )
for now
where the hell were you?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 12:25 am (UTC)I don't rightly know. It's a lot to explain. I'm still working through it myself. Some kind of... alternate world? Universe? Christ, Jay, it's above my paygrade by a mile and then some. I figure anything out, you'll be the first to know.
I'm all right, though. Not hurt.
( as all right as anyone can be trying to parse two sets of memories in his head. two lives. two selves. there are so many areas where nothing matches up. to say he's having a crisis of self is putting it damn near mildly. )
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 06:46 pm (UTC)you sure?
1/2
Date: 2020-12-16 07:49 pm (UTC)I'll rephrase.
I'm right as I can be given the circumstances, and to the rest — well, it ain't nothing I can afford the time to examine right now.
We can talk it out over a beer later, if you'd like.
( he ain't resistant to tellin' jason. they've been honest with each other. but of all the things gene wants to discuss on the network in any detail, that's not so much one of them. )
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 07:53 pm (UTC)Lord knows I wouldn't wish this place on anyone I cared about, but it's...
I'm glad you're back.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:00 pm (UTC)i'll come find you when i've got my feet back on the ground
don't do anything stupid
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:17 pm (UTC)Apropos of nothing, though, I went home too a while. Spent about eight years back in Agathine.
You're gonna hate what it did to my hair.
( he was already gettin' silver in it at twenty-four, now it's even more pronounced than it ever was. )
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:19 pm (UTC)oh gee
don't think we can hang out anymore, gene
you may just be too old for me
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:20 pm (UTC)A real shame.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:34 pm (UTC)Maybe blue?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:45 pm (UTC)but if you wanna go bold, who am i to stop you?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 08:50 pm (UTC)I think it makes me look distinguished.
Besides, I think most of them are on account of Belgium.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 09:00 pm (UTC)will you dispense some of that old, greying wisdom down onto me, mister hicks?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 09:17 pm (UTC)And you've gotta call me Doc.
Them's the rules.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 10:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 11:07 pm (UTC)( that'll be the important one, he reckons. )
I don't know what he got up to in the Aerie, so I ain't much help there.
Roy's still here too and him I saw recently enough, but I don't know if he's still in the — alternate universe or if he's back yet.
Any other dance cards you want me to punch for you?
no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-16 11:45 pm (UTC)which
jason might be able to tell himself, but it's also possible he doesn't want to look because he doesn't want to know.
ain't the first time he's told someone else somethin' hard. )
I think he might be gone, Jay. Haven't heard hide nor hair of him in a couple months, and his ID's been deactivated. I'm sorry.
( he doesn't even expect that jason will reply to him sayin' that, but it's fine — they'll catch up later. )
no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 04:47 am (UTC)( it's an answer more because he just wants--gene to give him something back. something to take his mind off the fact he lost the one goddamn person he swore he'd never leave. damian needed something sturdy to hold onto, and jason tried to be his rock.
and look where it left him. look what he did. he fucked off, he disappeared, and damian's gone. )
no subject
Date: 2020-12-17 05:09 am (UTC)but he cares about jason enough to try. he pinches the bridge of his nose, an' takes another long draught of the beer he's been nursin' since he woke up. )
I'm lookin' after a boy now back home. His name's Jack. I told you about Alex, yeah? His kid. He's an artist. Rolled up into some trouble with a greaser gang up north, Alex dropped him on my doorstep almost a year back.
I think you'd like him. Punk kid and all.
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