[ It crashes. The tangle of Gene's calm, like stepping into a deep pool, and his own anger, cut into the fear that he's let someone touch him, he's let another person close enough to gut him and didn't even fight. He sucks in air, harsh and rasping, and it hurts to swallow. To breathe at all.
Easy, easy.
It shouldn't be like this. He's fought through so much worse, this is nothing, a distraction, he'll push it aside as soon as he can hit something. But Gene's hands are steady and sure on his, and there's a part of Sharkface that wants to call out for the captain, because Hunter used to take his hands like this and hold him still. Hey, little brother. Hunter, his name had been Hunter before it went wrong, his name was Hunter —
Sense memory. Hands on his. Holding steady. It was like this once. Hunter holding his hands. Squeezing. Not enough to hurt, never to hurt, but enough to feel. A focus point.
He makes a strangled noise. Hunter's gone, it was CT at the end, and CT was mad when he died, torn up by grief and alone, he died alone because Ephemera wasn't there to protect him or even to die with him, it was all for nothing — ]
Hunter —!
[ It comes out choked. Gene doesn't sound like him at all, the accent is all wrong, but the calm is there if he'd only step into it and let it settle and that, more than anything, reminds Ephemera of his brother. The man he'd been before he died. And that cuts him like a wound even as it digs in, pushing through the fog and his need to reach out and hurt someone. He doesn't feel like Sharkface when he breathes, it hurts and he wants to fight, is desperate for something to strike and nearly jerks back to try before he realizes Gene's still there, head bowed, waiting it out.
No. No, no, no.
He jerks back with a curse, wrenching his hand free, and slams his head into the wall as hard as he can. The shock of it startles the world, and his head, into stillness. ]
cw for self harm
Date: 2019-12-31 09:50 pm (UTC)Easy, easy.
It shouldn't be like this. He's fought through so much worse, this is nothing, a distraction, he'll push it aside as soon as he can hit something. But Gene's hands are steady and sure on his, and there's a part of Sharkface that wants to call out for the captain, because Hunter used to take his hands like this and hold him still. Hey, little brother. Hunter, his name had been Hunter before it went wrong, his name was Hunter —
Sense memory. Hands on his. Holding steady. It was like this once. Hunter holding his hands. Squeezing. Not enough to hurt, never to hurt, but enough to feel. A focus point.
He makes a strangled noise. Hunter's gone, it was CT at the end, and CT was mad when he died, torn up by grief and alone, he died alone because Ephemera wasn't there to protect him or even to die with him, it was all for nothing — ]
Hunter —!
[ It comes out choked. Gene doesn't sound like him at all, the accent is all wrong, but the calm is there if he'd only step into it and let it settle and that, more than anything, reminds Ephemera of his brother. The man he'd been before he died. And that cuts him like a wound even as it digs in, pushing through the fog and his need to reach out and hurt someone. He doesn't feel like Sharkface when he breathes, it hurts and he wants to fight, is desperate for something to strike and nearly jerks back to try before he realizes Gene's still there, head bowed, waiting it out.
No. No, no, no.
He jerks back with a curse, wrenching his hand free, and slams his head into the wall as hard as he can. The shock of it startles the world, and his head, into stillness. ]